good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
