I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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