I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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