I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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