We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
