You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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