Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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