i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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