Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
