it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
