if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
