I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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