I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
