I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
