Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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