she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize