You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
