Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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