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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.

  (631): View more from New York

  Samesies

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  How did you break your hand eating pizza?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Boxes are hard to see rocks through.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?

  (1-289): View more from Ontario

  When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.

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• (716): View more from New York

  He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila

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• (631): View more from New York

  I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.

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