I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
