i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
