is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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