I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
