Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'