You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
