dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
