I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
