Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
