They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
