I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
