At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
