my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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