i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
