She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
