she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
