I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
