why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
