He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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