could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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