You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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