I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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