I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
