his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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