R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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