Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
