I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
