You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
