fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
