Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
