operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How's work?
Spinning.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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