dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
