omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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