There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
