some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
