i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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