I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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