bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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