So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
