I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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