he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
