she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
