Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
