the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
