Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
