sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize