she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
