Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
