so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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